Where to begin...?
Those of you who follow my writing know that I am a bit sassy and unconventional. With that said, think about what it takes to be a politician in 2012. Quite a daunting task, huh? Not every citizen would want the job. Not every citizen would want their dirty laundry aired in the public forum. Many of us would rather DIE than have our past scrutinized. Oh. I meant, many of YOU. Oops.
Nfl 2012
1. The "Holier Than Thou" politicians have radiant halos above their heads powered by a string of lights. You pray to hear a bell because you are certain these angels are about to get their wings. Maybe the church has tainted me, but I have a hard time when politicians and athletes thank the Good Lord for their election victory or touchdown. I don't know which God they may be referring to, but I'm confident that my God probably has more to do than perform miracles for the NFL on Sundays.
2. The "Pied Piper" politicians play the flute and hope all the voters will follow. They believe that images of leadership and new horizons are positive symbols of change. Therefore, it doesn't matter which topics they support (and you never really get a straight answer) but they can lead us to utopia. "Follow me and I will lead the way. Taxes? What? Da-da-da-da-da."
3. The "Flower Child" politicians just want everyone to get along and achieve world peace. "Can't We All Just Get Along." "Make Love, Not War." Communal living is key to our nation's future and survival. "What? Education? Hmmm. Let's legalize marijuana and just... feel... good. Our children will learn naturally."
4. The "Bizarro World" politicians are characters who are completely opposite of their relative counterparts. These folks paint a pretty picture of family life, happy marriages, well-rounded children, all while avoiding the lure of corruption. Then, whammo, you discover they are opposite in every way. "Suckers."
5. The "American Dream" politicians have a dismal history of poverty and despair. They didn't let society stand in their way. They conquered obstacles and charged the mountain in order to become the successes they are today. "What? Issues? Health care? I don't know, but I know I can do it because I AM the AMERICAN DREAM. Who wants apple pie?"
6. The "Oops, My Bad" politicians cannot slink away after their true characters are revealed. Many wish they could crawl in a hole somewhere, but instead, they still have a job to do. Instead of "coming clean" six months ago about a controversial issue, they are forced to appear sullen and remorseful as they apologize... for getting caught. Oops, I meant lying. My bad.
7. The "Familiar Face" politicians ride on the coat tails of past lives. With their recognizable faces and public personas, they decide to try politics. They are actors/actresses, tv spokesmen/women, and... uh-hem... professional wrestlers and bodybuilders. "What? Party platform? Duh, I know what that is. I'm standing on it."
8. The "Octogenarian" politicians are, quite frankly, um, well, older than dirt. I'm a teacher and in the 20 years that I have been knee-deep in education, the whole world of education has changed. Therefore, I believe I can infer that 80 and 90 year-old politicians are probably not "in tune" with today's changes. "What? Computers, Schlumputers. Just a fad."
9. The "Superhero" politicians will save the world. They will rid the country of poverty, pollution, and politics in a single bound. "Tabula rosa" and start over. We will redistrict the regions, claim power over all, appoint our friends to high positions, and rid the nation of silly rules and laws. "Don't fret, average citizens. Superhero is here. I have no experience, education, or comprehension of foreign affairs, but I will save the day."
10. The "No Way, Not Me" politicians will never run for office. They are brilliant, inspiring, and revolutionary thinkers. They are not bound to one party. They are not bound by money matters. They are not puppets on strings. They are independent thinkers that make decisions from the heart. They do what is right. They are empathetic leaders with level-headed ideals for all citizens. Unfortunately, folks, they don't want anything to do with politics. Too bad for us.
10 Types of Politicians
Authored by Robyn Carey Ryser
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